


I Want It With You

by CanBreeSee



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Babysitter Steve, Bucky Barnes Feels, Captain America: The First Avenger, Cold Showers, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff, M/M, Masturbation, Mention of Hot Gay Sex Wink Wink, Period-Typical Homophobia, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-21 00:12:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6031009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanBreeSee/pseuds/CanBreeSee
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve always wanted to be a father.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Want It With You

Steve had always wanted to be a father. Maybe it was because he never had one, he felt like he know what he missed, and he wanted to provide it. Maybe it was because every time he held onto one of many young Barnes children they would sigh and melt into his skinny arms, making it impossible to keep a big smile from his face. Maybe it was just one of those things that you can’t explain. Either way, he couldn’t remember a time that he didn’t long to have a tiny human he could bring up to rest on his shoulders and proudly call his son or daughter.

But by the time he went through puberty, he knew his chances were slim.

There were a few reasons for this. First, it seemed like no dames would be interested in the idea of making a baby with him. Second, he wasn’t too interested in making one with a dame, either. And third, he was head over heels for his best friend.

Not that he could tell anyone. Especially not Bucky. Not unless he wanted to get beaten to a pulp or sent to some camp. Since he was three years old, that boy was his life. There was no way he was gonna give that up for anything.

So he was content to take what he could get. Him and Bucky moved in together after school, in a shoebox of a Brooklyn apartment with one bedroom. A small bedroom. With two used twin beds that they pushed together whenever it got too cold and they couldn’t afford to keep their heat on. On those nights, Buck would crawl into the bunched up blankets and put his arms around him, taking and sharing their body heat. Steve loved how it felt, relished in it. No matter how bad it got outside, every time he saw his breath in the crisp air a rush of excitement ran through him. And the mornings after those nights, Steve always got up extra early, set on taking a shower first. Bucky would always laugh at him, threatening to kick his ass if he used up all the hot water.

Yeah, he didn’t have to worry about that.

It was only after the cringingly cold showers that Steve ever felt really guilty, though. When he thought of James Buchanan Barnes, he never thought his love for him was sick. All he wanted to do was scream it to him, to anyone, to everyone who would listen. But when he was in the other room, cumming all over his hands with his friend’s name nearly on his lips, sometimes even slipping out in a groan when he didn’t bite his cheek hard enough, he felt sick. Like he violated his best friend, like maybe he should be locked up, maybe all those people were right.

It didn’t stop him, though. And on some level, he didn’t want it to. So instead of going on any of those double dates with Buck, he volunteered to stay home with Rebecca or Scott, until they got too old for him to play house. He had more fun with them, anyway. Playing with kids would always beat seeing some girl rub up against the object of his desires.

When Bucky told Steve he was gonna be shipped out, he wasn’t surprised. Just about everyone besides him was accepted after they enlisted. He was a lot of other things, though. Proud that his best friend would be fighting for their country, for what was right. Jealous that he couldn’t do it beside him. But mostly scared. That the one person who knew he could never live without may be taken away from him.

From the night he told him to the day he left, Steve and Bucky were attached at the hip. They had always been close, together nearly all the time, but now Steve trailed behind the man no matter where he went. Hell, if they were out at a bar or something he’d go with him to the john like they were giggly dames.

But Bucky never seemed to mind.

On his last night, Steve told him that he could go out, find someone pretty and bring her back home, Steve would hide out in the living room with ear plugs until they were done. But he just smiled, ruffled the blond’s hair, and said, “Why on earth would I wanna do that, Rogers?”

It was the middle of the summer, but that night, they pushed the beds together anyway.

When Bucky was gone, Steve felt like half of him was missing. The better half, at that. But after the serum, things got a little better. Not because of the he costumes or the constant flow of women around him, but because every time a kid came up to him after a show, calling him their hero, it couldn’t not get better. In an interview, a journalist asked him if he wanted any kids of his own, his answer was immediate. Adding “the key word is want” in his head.

Then he became a soldier. A real soldier, not some performer like he was before. And immediately, his mind reverted back to Bucky, Bucky, Bucky… he had to save him. Protect him like he always protected Steve. He almost cried when he saw him. He was strapped down on a table, could barely walk when he got up. Once they were back at the army base he did cry. He goddamn fell apart while Bucky held him close like he was little again.

“Come on, Stevie,” the brunette’s strong hands were around his newly broad shoulders, stroking his hair, doing anything he thought would help as he spoke in a shushed, comforting voice, “I’m okay. I’m fine.”

Steve nodded, wiping the tears from his eyes. Finally he looked up, getting his first real good look at Bucky in months. He was just as beautiful as ever, his classic smirk mixed with his soft eyes making his best friend’s knees go weak. “Yeah, you better be. Punk.”

Bucky laughed out loud, throwing his head back and saying, “Yeah. You’re fine too, kid.”

Bucky told him he could stay in Steve’s room tonight, his single, though small, was much more private than the bunks where Bucky slept. They could curl up on the bed together, like back in Brooklyn. The offer made Steve’s heart contract, he couldn’t help but blush and smile. “Yes,” he wanted to say, “Yes, please.” But he didn’t. Instead, the two were silent for what seemed like much too long, until Steve shook his head, “I don’t, uh… I don’t know if that’s a good idea, Buck.”

Bucky’s smile immediately dropped, a painful look replacing it in his face. He tried to recover it, but it was too late. “Right. Sorry, I… you’d be more comfortable--”

“No, it’s…” Steve couldn’t have him thinking that. That he didn’t want him, always. “It’s nothing like that. I just… can’t lose you, Buck. I already thought I did.”

His friend looked confused. “What do you mean? You ain’t gonna lose me.”

Steve’s head hung in shame, he dug himself into this, didn’t he? This couldn’t happen. He couldn’t do this. “It’s… that sounds great. Nevermind.”

“No, Steve,” Bucky wasn’t gonna let this go. “Stevie. Why would you think you’d lose me?”

“It was stupid--”

“You brought it up, punk,” definitely not gonna let this go. “What the fuck were you going on about?”

“There’s… there’s stuff you don’t know about me, Buck. Stuff you wouldn’t like.”

He looked at Steve seriously, glancing behind him at the door to make sure it was closed, that they were alone, and he took another step towards the blond. “We’ve been through everything together, Steve. You just saved my sorry life. There ain’t nothing about you that I’m not gonna like.”

Tears threatened to fall again, but Steve closed his eyes, accepting what he was about to do. He wasn’t scared of what would happen to him when he went outside, what other people would think or do to him. But he was scared shitless about the idea of Bucky turning his back on him. He took a deep breath and, “I’ve… fuck, I’ve been in love with you since I was thirteen.”

Bucky was quiet, he looked surprised, but there was no screaming, no expletives, no throwing punches. So so far, better than Steve could’ve expected.

“I’m sorry,” he continued. “I’m so fucking sorry, Buck. I tried not to… feel it. I really did. I just don’t know how. It’s always been there. And I know you don’t… can’t feel the same way about me. And it’s okay. It really is. And if you don’t wanna talk to me after this, I understand. But back then, I don’t want you to think of any of what we did as weird. Or sick. I never… wanted to make you uncomfortable or anything. That’s why I didn’t tell you.” He let out a short, humorless laugh. “I guess there’s a lot of reasons I didn’t tell you, actually. But it doesn’t have to change anything, you gotta know that. I don’t expect one thing from you. You can storm out, tell anyone you want, but… that’s why.”

He didn’t risk looking at Bucky, and he couldn’t hear a thing. Until there was a small whisper so, so close to him, the source just inches, centimeters, from his face.

“Stevie,” Bucky said slowly. “I… You don’t hafta be worried.”

The tears lived up to their threat, and Steve felt the warm water covering his cheeks. “What?”

Two strong hands gripped either side of his face, calloused thumbs touching his pale skin to wipe away the salty tears. “You don’t gotta worry about losing me, okay? I…”

Bucky had never been good with words, he was a man of action. In this case, that action was a hard, rough, unexpected clash of their lips. Steve yelped in surprised, but the sound was swallowed by Bucky. When he realized what was happening, that the man he’d been in love with since he was a kid was kissing him, he kissed back. His arms went to Bucky’s back to bring his body against his own. Bucky made a noise, something between a laugh and a, god, a moan, and pulled his lips away just enough to say, “I’m with you ‘til the end of the line. Don’t forget it.”

Steve smiled, and leaned forward to kiss him again. Less desperate and teeth, but a soft and chaste touch of their lips. When they were done, Bucky rest his forehead on his. “I love you too, Stevie. Always have.”

Later that night, behind locked doors and under the covers they held each other tight, clothes long abandoned. Bucky let Steve lie on his chest, a joking tone in his voice when he said, “You’re getting too big for this now. Gonna crush me.”

“Shut it,” Steve laughed, tightening his grip around Bucky’s waist.

Bucky pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Think we were quiet enough?”

“I think if there was a problem, we wouldn’t still be lying here.” He wasn’t sure what the problem would be: the Commandos hearing them or the Commandos caring. Steve figured at least   
one of those didn’t happen.

“Damn…” Bucky whistled. “Thirteen, huh? You tellin’ me we coulda been doing this for nine years?”

His smiled widened and he moved his gaze up to meet Bucky’s. The playfulness was still there, but his voice was soft and serious. “I’ve always been here. Coulda had me any time you wanted me.”

“God,” Bucky whispered. “I wanna give you everything.” Steve chuckled, but Bucky shook his head. “No, I mean it. I want it all with you, Stevie. Once this is all over. We’re gonna go somewhere where no one’s gonna care about what we are. Or how we feel. Gonna get a nice big house to fix up, with blue shingles to match those eyes’a yours and your own room that you can paint and draw in. With a big yard, for kiddos to run around in.”

Steve hummed, losing himself in the familiar fantasy, as well. “You wanna make me yer wife or something, Buck?”

“Naw, if anything I’d be the wife,” Bucky laughed. “We both know you’d make the better dad. Plus, we can’t leave you in charge of the cooking.”

They stayed in bed for a few hours after that, until it became too risky. But it became Bucky’s room, too. The Commandos weren’t surprised, even giving them high fives when they saw them the next day. It was nice, everything Steve had been scared about before, he didn’t have to worry about it. And for a while, everything was good. Great, even. They were back together, more together than ever. Not that they didn’t have fights, or disagreements. Most notably when Bucky broke down to Steve, telling him to go be with Peggy like he knew he wanted to.

“She can give you want you want, Steve. What you’ve always wanted,” Bucky said, so sincere it broke Steve’s heart. “Wife, kids, big white house.”

“I’ve always wanted you,” Steve assured him, pressing kisses to his cheeks. “None of that stuff matters, not if I don’t have you.”

He repeated it, over and over that night. While Bucky stared into his eyes, thrusting into him and pounding him into that tiny, creaky bed, “This is all I need, Bucky. I swear.”

When he lost Bucky, he didn’t know what to do. Didn’t even know who he was anymore. He could hear his voice in his head, telling him what to do, but as he flew the plane into the ocean, he ignored the familiar pleas to take care of himself. When he woke up, he couldn’t believe it. It wasn’t fair. His whole life was gone, Bucky wasn’t gonna come back anytime soon. So why was he here?

Still, he wanted to help people. That was what started all of this, so he went with the SHIELD. Steve could barely remember the first few years as the revamped Captain America. All the missions ran together, Bucky’s warning tone constantly telling him to slow down and after a while he didn’t even ignore it. He thrived on it.

Without he, he might have forgotten what his voice sounded like.

But then he came back again. Bucky, that is. Kind of. Whenever Steve caught a glimpse of the Winter Soldier, even before he knew, something happened to him. A tightening in his chest, something he hadn’t felt for a long time. At first he told himself it was because it was his first true equal, someone who could give him a fair fight. But when the mask fell off, he knew exactly who it was. Exactly why he felt so different around him.

Bucky came back to him. But it took a hell of a lot longer than the body of James Buchanan Barnes.

A few months after Steve hauled Bucky back to the Avengers tower, to live and try to figure out who he was, Steve noticed a change in him. He was doing so well, his memory was coming back, he started to respond to his nickname, but Steve never wanted to push him. It was too dangerous, and not worth it.

Nothing was worth getting in the way of his recovery, even if he never touched him again.

Suddenly, Bucky acted nervous around him. Steve was terrified, thinking he had scared him off. But Sam and Natasha had insisted it seemed less fearful, more… schoolgirl.

“What?” Steve blinked, confused by what he had just heard.

“You know…” Sam rolled his eyes, wondering how the guy could miss this. “Like a schoolgirl crush. Always fixin’ his hair and gettin’ all giggly around you.”

He brought it up to Bucky. Not the… theory his friends had, but why he was acting so strangely. Bucky looked down, slumping his posture like he had been defeated and crossing his arms. “What were we, Steve?”

He gulped. “We… you were my best friend. Still are. You know that.”

“Yeah,” his words are affirming, but Bucky’s head shook. A habit he had taken on whenever he was trying to remember something from his past. “Yeah, I know. I’ve just been thinkin’. And readin’. And… feelin’.”

“Feeling what, Buck?” Steve jumped in, too quickly.

“Was I in love with you?” he asked, in a small, heart-breaking voice. And Jesus Christ, Steve could’ve broken down right then and there. “‘Cuz, I… I think I was. And I think I love ya now. But I didn’t know if we…”

“Yes.” Steve said immediately, stepping closer. “We were.”

The 21st century was crazy to them. So crazy. People were out. Two fellas could get married, not be ashamed at all. When they told their teammates, their heads hung low, Bucky braced himself against Steve. But they just laughed, telling them they already knew.

Bucky was the one that brought it up first, what they might want to do… outside of work.

“You been drawing anything lately, Stevie?” is how he started it. Casually, while they sat on the couch in their shared sweet and watched the Yankees game on TV.

“You, sometimes,” Steve grinned, thinking about the many sketches of his boyfriend.

Bucky smiled, but slugged him in the shoulder. “I mean it.You were always so good, still are, I bet. Still wanna be an artist?”

“So am I. And I’ll always be an artist, doesn’t mean I gotta do anything about it. Why?”

“I’ve just been thinkin’...” Bucky started.

“Oh, again?” Steve teased with a smirk.

“I’ve just been thinkin,” he repeated, “There’s so much we can do now. That we wouldn’t have…” Bucky started to tear up, looking down at his hands while Steve looked at him, confused and intrigued. “We could get married, Stevie. Have a big house. Maybe even…”

“Bucky,” Steve didn’t know what else to say.

“You always wanted to be a dad, Stevie. And you wanted it with me, right? So maybe we could…”

He was silenced by Steve’s urgent mouth of his. Their tears of joy, frustration and love mixed together on their tongues but they didn’t care. It was perfect.

A few weeks later they went into to talk to a social worker about adoption. They didn’t tell anyone else, but Tony had found out from hacking their google history (Jesus Christ, why was he doing that in the first place?) and spread the news. They were congratulated, even Natasha was excited to be an aunt. And seeing the big smile on Steve’s face when he spoke quickly, with that excitement he rarely had anymore, it made anything bad that had happen since Bucky woke up worth it.

I may be a fucking monster, he thought, but if I wasn’t with HYDRA, I never would’ve been able to be with Steve.

So they dressed up in their suits and walked uptown, Buck even cut his hair. They sat down in the cushy chairs, and the social worker, a blonde woman with a nasal voice, took one look at their file and grimaced.

Surprisingly, Bucky took it harder than Steve. Maybe it’s because he was newer to the times, with everything has changed, sometimes it’s even harder to grasp how much is still, to its core, the same.

“I get it, I guess,” Bucky muttered, lying in bed later that night. “It’s a weird situation.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “It is. Is that… why you were asking about art? And going back to school? Because you wanted to…”

Bucky shook his head. “Not just because of that, no. But… yeah.”

Steve frowned and leaned over to kiss the man on his forehead while he began to break down. It had become a more common occurrence lately, but Steve didn’t mind. That fella spent two damn decades taking care of him.

“You always wanted it so bad,” Bucky sobbed. “And I… wanted to give it to you.”

“We can still have it, Buck,” Steve whispered, pulling him close. “One day, when we’re done with alla this stuff.”

Bucky snorted. “America’s never gonna let go of their Captain.”

“Well they’re gonna have to,” Steve insisted. “One of these days they won’t need me. And I can go off, draw for comic strips… You can be a teacher.”

“Doubtful,” Bucky said, looking down at his metal arm, complete with a Communist star. “I’d be a better RepoMan.”

“Dream big,” Steve’s smile was huge, even though his eyes were sad. “You’ll be whatever you want. We’ll have everything we wanted back in Brooklyn. We just gotta think about it, yeah? What our house would look like? Our 3 kids?”

“Sarah, Becky, and Joey,” Bucky laughed, thinking back to their fantasies back in the army.

“You remember that?” Steve sounded shocked, but Bucky looked back at him under his long lashes, and smirked. With a nod, he pried himself away from Steve, just enough to kiss him.   
Steve sighed into it, exhaling and grabbing Bucky’s neck. His lips moved fast, but Steve returned it slowly, savoring every moment they had together.

“I love you so fucking much,” he told his best friend while Bucky began trailing hot, wet kisses on his pale skin, grabbing the long strands of brown hair. A silver hand trailed down to his crotch, slow, steady. Sure enough, the supersoldier was getting hard. Bucky rubbed while he attached his lips to Steve’s collarbone, causing him to choke out a moan.

“What have I told you,” Bucky said between little sucks, “About holding back, baby?”

With a rough squeeze the blond cried out, pulling his boyfriend back up to return to smash their lips together. It was all teeth and tongues. Sloppy and painful and so fucking good.

“You’ll have it all, doll,” Bucky rasped, and their clothes started to come off, hands everywhere, their cocks hard as rock and bodies molding together. Bucky pushed him back onto the couch cushions and continued to growl at him, “I fucking promise.”

And Steve didn’t doubt him for a second.

**Author's Note:**

> And that, ladies and gentlemen, was my first story.  
> Is it great? Eh, no. But hopefully you enjoyed it. I found it pretty cute :)  
> I wrote it quickly, I wanted to ease myself into the fandom I've been reading about FOREVER. Next time, things'll get real, raw, and intense, guys. I pinky swear.  
> Leave a comment if you want! If not, thanks for staying til the end!


End file.
